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The Bargain

June 9, 2011

Ps. 35:8–9 Let destruction come upon him when he does not know it! And let the net that he hid ensnare him; let him fall into it—to his destruction! Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD, exulting in his salvation.

Have you ever tried to bargain with God? I do it all the time. I try to convince him that he should do things my way – give me what I want – and then if he DOES….I will reward his performance and provision with my undying affection and devotion.

I mean…thats what God wants isn’t it?

Thats what he needs from me….right?

Often times I feel that in my effort to convince God that what I want is right – I lose sight of the heart posture that brings my to my knees in submission to His will and His plan for my life…which is where my peace ultimately lies.

But what then? I just convince myself that I should be Ok with horrible things happening all around me?

That hasn’t worked yet.

I don’t think it will ever work.

I cannot, by sheer force of will, simply convince myself to submit…the submission must be a response to a belief, the same way my fear and bargaining is a response to the belief that I know whats best for my life.

At the root of submission to Jesus….must be a belief that in my submission – I discover the BEST POSSIBLE way to live.

I have to trust and believe that Jesus loves me so much…that ONLY THE BEST OUTCOME FOR MY LIFE will be achieved.

And the truth is…I don’t.

I don’t always believe that I can trust His plan. All around my I see people suffering…dying. Sickness like Cancer and MS….Dimensia and Parkinsons.

Car accidents.

SIDS.

When does it stop…

And in my honest moments…I find myself asking…what if that was God’s story for me?

What if the Sovereign Lord of the universe….decided that I would know from first hand experience…what it is to suffer Cancer…

To experience illness….or to lose someone I love suddenly?

Do I believe that this really is the BEST POSSIBLE WAY that my life could work itself out? Do I trust that somehow the unfathomable love of the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE could possibly supersede the grief and pain that I would be feeling in that instant?

Not always.

Not even often.

What I typically want to do when I think of this….is bargain.

God…if you protect me from all these things….I PROMISE….I’ll be completely devoted to you forever..

Pray every day.

I need to stop doing this.

Jesus…the truth is….I don’t want to get sick. I don’t want to ever get a disease like Cancer….or MS….or Heart problems…

I don’t want to lose those closest to me.

But honestly….so much more than that….I want to know of your love in such a way that even if I did…

I know I would be OK.

I don’t want to bargain anymore. I don’t want to make any deals…I don’t want to convince you of anything…

Help me understand love. Help me understand your heart for me. Help me trust that however it is my life unfolds….

Its the best possible way.

Because you are sovereign. You are perfect. You are love.

B.

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