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May 18, 2012

Isaiah 58:6–7

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter – when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

This passage to me proclaims a life of LOVE, of servanthood and devotion to others…

Today is Day 5 of the “5 Day Challenge”, and through this week I have tasted and experienced a glimpse of the challenges and struggles that people throughout the world face.

I now know what hunger feels like, I now know what it feels like to be weak and to struggle with getting through the day because of a lack of focus and energy as a result of hunger. I say that I know how this feels, but the truth is…my one week of experiencing a little discomfort and denying myself that which would usually bring me a sense of joy and delight…does not compare to the plight of the poor all around the world…

God is calling us to action in response to this plaight, to fight injustice, to free the oppressed, to food and clothe and shelter those in need, to welcome the stranger…He is calling us to LOVE.

This week has shown me how much I take foregranted in my day to day world, how I can grow so accustomed to a lifestyle that often forgets or looks past the needs of those around me.

I pray that as I move from this past week into this new week where I am no longer restricted or challenged as I have been these last 5 days…that I would move with a deep sense of grattitude and thankfullness. Jesus, would you move me towards those in need, whatever that may look like, would you help me, use me, to loose the chains of injustice. Let me bring your good news today. In your Name, I pray, Amen.

Erin

May 11, 2012

Acts 27:25

“…for I have faith in God that it will be exactly as I have been told.”

Paul’s faith was unwaivering…though he knew he faced the unknown and was being led to suffering, to further imprisonment and ultimately death…he trusted in God, he had faith in Him…

If I am honest, I recognize that I struggle with reconciling this truth in my own heart…this truth that God’s will and purpose was for Paul to experience suffering and death…that Jesus wasn’t going to bring him out of this, but that He was leading him through this.

I struggle with this because somehow I wish it could be different, I wish Paul’s ministry and testimony could have been just as powerful, just as widespread without his suffering…I struggle with this because of the implications it has for my own life.

Will I trust in Jesus in faith in the midst of great suffering? Will I allow Him to lead regardless of what that looks like? Will I trust in Him for who He is, not for what He chooses to do or not do?

Jesus, my faith is weak in the best of times, let alone in suffering…forgive me. Today, help me to walk in you regardless of what that looks like…lead me and guide me Jesus, Amen.

Erin

May 4, 2012

Acts 22:15

“...for you will be a witness for him to everyone of what you have seen and heard.”

Paul heard these words spoken to him by the Spirit through Ananias; he didn’t contemplate or question Jesus’ call on his life…he simply obeyed and went out.

Is this not the same call that Jesus has for my life? Am I not sent out to be a witness for Him to everyone of what I have seen and heard…to be good news?

I have a tendency to overcomplicate things, to over think and stall myself from any movement for fear of getting it wrong, for fear of not walking in my calling or purpose, and for fear of the unknown, for fear of the hard, the struggle, the suffering…

But the Bible is clear on what this calling is…
“...All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18–20)

It is clear, I am to “GO”, to go requires movement…movement towards people, movement towards relationship with people who don’t know Jesus, movement towards those who through my story are reminded of their own story; of what they have seen and heard.

Paul heard Jesus’ call and he went; he faced ridicule, angry mobs, imprisonment, death threats, beatings and ultimately, the loss of his own life…that he might be a witness for Jesus to everyone of what he had seen and heard, of what Jesus had done…the re-writing of his story.

Jesus, no more excuses, no more stalling, or fear of the unknown…Help me to simply be a witness for you of what I have seen and heard, that my life would reflect you, that I would point to you in the words I speak and the actions I do…that I would just “GO” today. I pray this is your awesome, powerful and holy Name, Jesus, Amen.

Erin

April 20, 2012

Acts 12

5 So Peter was kept in prison, but earnest prayer for him was made to God by the church.

12…he went to the house of Mary, the mother of John whose other name was Mark, where many were gathered together and were praying.

Today, I have felt the power of prayer…I have been reminded of it’s importance, its necessity…

Peter was in prison, James had just been killed…it seemed like an impossible and hopeless situation…but the church prayed…they prayed earnestly to God on Peter’s behalf…and God intervened…

It seems to me that in the early church, prayer was the culture…they were a people devoted to prayer…so much so that when Peter was rescued from prison, he went to the place he knew people were gathered together in prayer…

When crisis hits, when needs are made known, when hopelessness and powerlessness seem to invade…do I gather with others in prayer, do we as the church gather together in prayer?

I think, sadly…that far far too often my response to crisis, to need, to feelings of hopelessness, powerlessness and fear for others or myself…is panic, overwhelm, fear…forgetting to place it in the Father’s hands…forgetting that He is powerful and faithful and is able to do far more than I could ever begin to hope for or imagine. In the moments of uncertainty, instead of clinging to Him, I cling to fear…I cling to what I think I know, when in truth…the one thing I know is that He is here, He is with me, He is with us…and He is NOT powerless!!! This story of Peter and the church is a beautiful reminder of this, and it is a beautiful picture of the church gathering together in prayer…I pray that this reflects my life, I pray that this reflects the church of today…

Father, thank you for prayer, thank you for your word and your power and faithfulness, but most of all today…I am thankful for your presence…I am thankful that you are here always…thank you for this reminder today! I love you, Amen!

Erin

April 13, 2012

Ruth 1

13”…No, my daughters, for it is exceedingly bitter to me for your sake that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me.”

20 She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. 21 I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?”

These are strong words, strong feelings against God…

Why such bitterness and anger…had Naomi expected life to turn out differently, had she expected only happiness and fullness? Was her faith and trust in God solely based on what He did and didn’t do for her?

When calamity struck, when she experienced loss and brokenness…God wasn’t the ‘rock’ she clung to, He wasn’t her hope or her sense of comfort and peace amidst the storm of her life…no, in Naomi’s mind…His hand had gone out against her, He had dealt bitterly with her, had brought her back empty and had testified against her. There was no hope, there was no trust or faith, only bitterness.

I struggle with the sovereignty of God in my life…I struggle with His plans and His purpose, I struggle with the knowledge that there is suffering and brokenness…But is my faith and trust in God so wrapped up in how I feel, how I experience Him…when troubles come…what is my response, what will be my response? Will I turn to Him or against Him? Will I choose bitterness or trust?

My prayer is that I will grow in trusting you in all of life…in the storms and the valleys, in the hard and broken, and in the joy and fullness that you bring…that regardless of circumstance or feeling…my response will be “yet will I praise Him”; “It is well with my soul.” Thank you Jesus for this heart check today, may the posture of my heart be only toward you, resting in your perfect plan.

I love you, Amen.

Erin

March 23, 2012

Luke 16:15

And he said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God.”

These are incredibly powerful and convicting words…Jesus is cutting into their hearts…and I am stopped by these words…

I don’t know what it is about this passage, Luke 16 is full of a lot of convicting words and passages…there is so much to take away and cause to take a hard look at my life and my heart…

But these words are almost haunting…why? What is it that is pulling on my heart???

I am among those who justify themselves before men…I can actually be pretty good at being able to justify myself…at least in my own head…others have a way of seeing right through me…the scary thing is that often I don’t even realize that I am trying to justify myself…

I also find myself looking for affirmation from others continually…if I don’t have it…I question my value, my worth, my very identity…would this not be considered wanting, or actually needing to be exalted among men?

Was it the same for the Pharisees? Had they grown into such a pattern in their hearts and their lives that justification and the need to be exalted before men became a central aspect of their being? Can I honestly read this passage and reflect and say that I am any different?

But…”what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God.” It is abhorred, it is detestable, it is shameful, it is disgusting to God…

Jesus, where are the eyes of my heart focused? Where do I search for justification and exaltation among others rather than in you? Why do I look for these, when I should be justified by faith in you and exalting only you? Please work in my heart, captivate my heart that I would stop these patterns in my life and that I would be found in you…that my value, my worth, my identity would be in you and you only…that the approval and the affirmation of others would not be my fuel, but that my eyes would be set on you…I am so far from you, I am so very much set in the patterns of this world…Jesus forgive me and work in me today.

Erin

March 9, 2012

Luke 6

27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. 31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

32 “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same…

35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

As I read and reflect on this passage…I realize that I do not know or understand what love truly is…

I’m really good at loving and doing things for people who love me, who have shown me love and have treated me well…it seems to be the natural outpouring of my heart, I just want to do the same. But then am I really loving???

Do I respond the same to someone who has treated me badly, who has been demeaning and condescending to me, not even cursing me, just mistreating me? I have to admit I don’t…I become almost indignant and I carry the weight of that hurt or those comments for a very long time…and showing love to them does not come as easily…it may for a time…but eventually my heart grows almost hardened towards them. These aren’t enemies, but they are those who have caused pain in my world and I struggle with loving them the same.

How fickle my heart must seem to Jesus, He faced the worst mistreatment, He was mocked, He was beaten, He was killed…and I can get my back up about a careless word…

Today as I read the scripture and bring it up against the natural incline of my heart…I realize there is something wrong and broken within me…I struggle with love…I mean real love, not the sentimental, feel good type of love, but the sacrificial, costly, dying to myself kind of love that Jesus not only calls me to, but demonstrated for me on the cross.

Jesus, work in my heart, help me to truly love, with your love, not my own made up love.

Erin

February 3, 2012

34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me’.

37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25:34–40

Servanthood – that’s what Jesus calls me to…but not out of obligation, but out of a heart deeply saturated in love for Him and for others.

Am I living, am I serving out of obligation, out of fear of messing up and not measuring up? Or am I living, am I serving out of this love…the love that the Father has lavished on me, the love of the Son who gave up His life willingly for me?

Is this the love that I come with to people, is this the heart that I serve out of?

Love is not love if it is saturated in, if it is motivated by fear and guilt… Do I know this love, I mean really know this love, that it motivates me, that it spurs me on to love and serve others…Relentlessly? At cost to myself?

I get so caught up in my world that I often fail to see the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick, those in prison…I fail to see Jesus…and if I fail to see them…how can I love them, how can I serve them, how can I be Jesus to them?

Jesus, my eyes are so easily blinded. Help me to see you, help me to see these you call me to love and to serve. Forgive me for turning a blind eye, for walking past and refusing to engage…Give me your eyes, give me your heart…Love through me Jesus, in your Name, I pray, Amen.

Erin

January 13, 2012

Matthew 10

29 “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30 But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

“Have No Fear”... this is the title that precedes these words of Jesus…

Jesus is encouraging His disciples, His followers, His closest friends and companions. They are about to go out to the “lost sheep of the house of Israel” and in so doing will face danger; will be confronted with their fears…but Jesus is telling them to not fear.

For the Father is with them, He who cares for the sparrows cares also for them. If not one will fall to the ground apart from Him and they (we) are of more value than many sparrows…how much more does the Father care for them (us)...?

But here’s the thing with these words of Jesus…He’s not saying that the sparrows won’t fall to the ground, but that they won’t fall apart from the Father. He is moving, He is active, nothing falls out of His plan or His will…not even the hard, not even suffering, not even death…

I think if I were to be completely honest with myself here, this truth is where much of my fear and distrust lie with God…It’s not that I believe that He’s powerless, it’s not that I believe that He’s not in control, it’s not that I believe that He’s not with me and doesn’t know me – He does – He know’s the number of hairs on my head. It’s the fear of what He might call me to, of what He might walk me through, of what He might tear away from me or not bless me with…The truth that I must face is that I do not trust Him, I do not trust His best for me…instead I live in fear.

But…perfect love casts out all fear…and His love is perfect, it is not lacking, it is not wanting…it is perfect…His love is all I need, there is nothing that can compare. So why do I not believe this as I should? Why do I struggle with so much fear? Why does my heart and mind move to the “fear” rather than the peace and encouragement that the words of Jesus bring? What is still so broken within me???

Only you can answer these questions Jesus, only you can dispel my fear with your light, with the truth of who you are! I pray that you will, that you will move, that you will work within my heart and within my mind to help me face and overcome my fears…that I would learn to trust in you…to know and truly experience your perfect love that casts out all fear. Thank you for continually loving me and walking with me. Forgive me for my brokenness Jesus, I pray this in your Name, Amen.

Erin

December 23, 2011

Revelation 16

5…“Just are you, O Holy One, who is and who was, for you brought these judgements. 6 For they have shed the blood of saints and prophets, and you have given them blood to drink. It is what they deserve!” 7 And I heard the altar saying, “Yes, Lord God, the Almighty, true and just are your judgments!”

9…they cursed the name of God who had power over these plagues. They did not repent and give him glory.

10…People gnawed their tongues in anguish 11 and cursed the God of heaven for their pain and sores. They did not repent of their deeds.

As I read this passage, there are a couple things I am confronted with…the first being that God is completely just and He is completely love…in my own finite mind these two seem to contradict each other and in a passage like this…‘love’ isn’t what’s ringing clear for me… How could God in His love completely destroy those He loves, those He created… And how can I, in my incredibly limited human perspective and argument ever question God and His love and His judgements?

The second reality that I am confronted with is the response of those afflicted by God…it’s like they have a choice, a second chance to recognize God, recognize their sin, repent and glorify God…yet, they refuse and instead of worship and relationship they choose death and an eternity separate from the one who loves them… How often do I choose to live in a sense of death and separation from God rather than in worship and relationship…when I feel afflicted by God what is my response?

Can I honestly point my finger and place the blame on those who curse God, do I not also in my questioning and fear of God in the times I feel afflicted, do the same if my response is not one of worship?

How fickle my heart truly is, I seem to be reminded of this truth daily…I coast from one strong emotion to the next and my response in worship is far too dependant on the emotion of that moment…

Jesus I am sorry…help my heart to be steadfast towards you regardless of emotion, regardless of circumstance, regardless of anything…may my response to you always be worship…for you are worthy, you are to be high and lifted up – always! I pray this in your Name, Jesus, Amen.

Erin

November 25, 2011

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

I need this reminder today, I need this reminder, this truth daily…that I have nothing to fear…

Yet I fear, in fact often I am paralyzed by fear…But perfect love casts out fear, there is no room for fear if I am perfected in love – God’s love is perfect, it is not lacking, it is never failing, never ceasing. All this I know in my head, I could recite this verse over and over, but it is not the truth that anchors my heart…why?

Have I not experienced your perfect love Jesus? What am I waiting for? Why does fear seem to always have the upperhand in my heart and in my life? I want to believe you are enough, that there is no room for fear when I am in your perfect love. Please help me in my unbelief, please let your love be the truth that does anchor my heart, that does secure my mind and calm all my fear. Thank you for your Word, that you do speak, you do move, you do work in the hearts of those that seek you. I love you.

In Your Name, Amen.

Erin

November 18, 2011

2 Peter 19

“They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved.”

It’s impossible to promise freedom when we have not experienced freedom…I mean we can fake it, but eventually they’re going to clue in and our credibility will be lost…

I cannot claim the freedom in Christ for someone else’s life, If I myself am not living in this freedom.

The passage states that whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved…There is so much that can overcome me, my emotions, exhaustion, fear, anxiety…all these at times have overcome me…all these at times I have been a slave to…

BUT…in Jesus I am free, in Jesus, I am not a slave to these, in Jesus, I have overcome and in Jesus…I can in assurance, promise freedom for those who are enslaved by this world.

If only I really believed this all the time, If only I really lived in this freedom all the time. There is much that I can be overcome by, but I want to be overcome by Jesus, by His love for me, the love that I do not understand and cannot comprehend….This is the love that I long to be overcome by, that I would live in the freedom of Jesus and in so doing, promise this freedom to the world around me.

Jesus, may my life be a testimony of the freedom that is in you, help me to live in your freedom, work in my heart and my mind that these would not just be words, but the actual reality in which I live.

Thank you for the freedom that is ours in you, I pray that you would help us all to claim this freedom, live in it and love others in it.

In your Name, Amen.

Erin

November 11, 2011

1 Peter 2

11 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.

16 Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.

21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

We are not of this world…we are sojourners, exiles…we are not bound to the worldly passions and desires, those which wage war against our souls.

We are FREE!!! Free to live as servants of God, free because of Jesus.

I have been facing the realization that I don’t truly know what freedom in Christ looks like. The concept of freedom seems awfully abstract and lofty, intangible and unattainable…I don’t see this freedom at work in my life.

If I am not bound to this world, to the passions and desires of this world, than what am I bound to, what am I living for? I think my honest answer to this question would be that in many ways I am currently bound to this world, I currently continually give in to the things, the delights of this world. Starbucks for example is a deep love of mine…it’s not just the coffee, but the atmosphere, the people, the feeling of happiness and delight I experience whenever I walk into Starbucks, whenever I sip one of their drinks…As I write this I am drinking a Starbucks Christmas drink – one of my favourites!

It seems like the words of Peter are colliding with my world…I am called to live as a sojourner, an exile, a wanderer in the land that I live. This world is not my home, this world is not the end goal…so how am I living, what am I living for? My next Starbucks drink or Jesus??? Am I living as a servant of God, am I living out the example of Jesus, am I following in His steps?

Jesus, so often I feel like I can live this life alone, so often I forget about you, or I lose focus of you. It’s not that I think I am strong, it’s not that I think I don’t need you…I’m not sure what it is…possibly that I have not entrusted myself to you fully. I have not allowed you to be everything in my life. Please help me to experience your freedom, that I would live not as one of this world, but as one set apart – a sojourner in a land not my home. I realize how far I am from this in my current frame of mind, please forgive me for putting the things of this world ahead of you. Please lead me, guide me, help to live in your freedom, loving your people!

I pray this in your Name, Jesus, Amen.

Erin

November 4, 2011

James 2

14 What good is it my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?

24 You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone… 26 For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.

What is faith?

Hebrews 11 defines it as the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen…but is there more? Maybe this is the definition of faith, but it is not the expression of faith, the expression of faith is the way I live my life, the works I do or do not do.

Does my life testify to faith? Would those around me see that I have faith? I’m scared to honestly know the answer to this question. My fear is that I do not live my life in a way that testifies to faith. I am much more a thinker and analyzer than I am a doer and step taker. I don’t risk, I don’t move unless I am almost sure of the outcome. I struggle every moment of every day with trusting in Jesus…where is faith being shown, being proved in this?

If my life would testify to faith, it would testify to the truth that I am lacking, that I need to grow in faith, that I need to move and walk in faith, that I need to love and work in faith…not in just what I can see, but in that which is unseen… in Him in whom my hope lies – Jesus.

Jesus, forgive me for my lack of faith, help me to walk in faith and to live in faith…that my life would testify to the faith, the trust and the hope that I have in you. Thank you Jesus, I love you.

In your Name, Amen.

Erin

October 28, 2011

Hebrews 10:39

“But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.”

There is a boldness and moving onward and forward portrayed in this passage…a boldness that most of the time I do not feel.

I would count myself among those who shrink back in the face of fear, in the face of the unknown, in the face of potential harm. I far too often am not bold, am not strong, but am weak and broken. I shrink back instead of standing firm and I recognize this today as I read this passage and am stirred and excited about the possiblity of a faith like this!

Faith like this seems like an ideal and not an actual tangible reality, it seems like a dream and not actually attainable, after all, this is not the reality of my own life, this is not the reality of my heart….

What is faith, what does true, real faith look like?

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

As I read this verse and ponder the implications of this verse and look at the thoughts and feelings that are frequenting my heart and mind, I realize my faith is lacking, I am fighting to have assurance in the things I hope for and conviction in the things I do not see.

Lord, grant me the faith to take you at your Word, to hold true to your promises, to have assurance in the hope that I have in you and to walk in this. Thank you for you Word, thank you for your promises! May I not shrink back, but persevere in faith. I love you Jesus, may you be glorified in me today, in your Name, Amen.

Erin

October 7, 2011

2 Timothy 3:16–17

16 All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

I think that this truth is becoming more and more a tangible reality in my own life and heart…He seems to grab my attention, call me to Himself exactly where I’m at…its hard for me to capture the depth of my heart and mind in words, but His Word draws this out in me. It leads me to the darkest parts of my heart to confront that which I would rather hide then face, more times than not I am scared to go there, afraid to see what I might find or recognize within me, afraid that somehow His grace is not enough…and yet, His grace is more than enough, and yet His love for me is steadfast, unchanging, unyielding…I am comforted and somehow at peace. Even in the midst of my brokenness, even in the midst of my fear and confusion, He is there, as I read His Word and allow it to read me I am brought to a deeper more intimate understanding and love for my Jesus…

I realize there is so much I do not understand, I admit that it is not always easy for me to open up the Bible…I find that in the busyness and chaos that is life – this is the first thing I put aside…and yet I have come to fully believe and understand and see that this time with Jesus is the absolute most important aspect, component, moment of my day…that its not just words…it is the living, breathing, active Word of God and it changes and transforms everything.

And so today Jesus, I am just so thankful for your Word, I am so thankful that you speak to me, that as I read, it is you reading me. You search me and you know me and you love me!

Thank you Jesus, I could never say this enough… I love you :)

Erin

September 23, 2011

2 Thessalonians 2:10b-12

10”...because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. 11 Therefore God sends them a strong delusion, so that they may believe what is false, 12 in order that all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

This is a hard verse, a hard verse to even read let alone understand…I wanted to move right on through this part of the passage, to the hope and the glory that we have in Christ…but for some reason I just couldn’t look past this…

There are people I love that don’t know Jesus, there are people I am in relationship with who have refused to love the truth, believe the truth and so be saved…

Yet so often I just walk on by as if its fine or I just sit in silence…

But today as I read this, my heart is broken and my plea is that God will soften their hears, that He will dispel any strong delusion that keeps them from seeing the truth…that He will, as He promises He is…be merciful and compassionate to them, slow to anger and abounding in love for them…irresistable love!!!

Jesus, use me to be your love, your truth, break my heart for the hearts that break yours. Remove the veils from our eyes that we would see you clearly…we need you Jesus, Amen.

Erin

September 9, 2011

Colossians 1:17

And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

I just need this reminder…not something deeply intellectual or thought provoking, but just the TRUTH…that He is here.

I forget this often, I am blind to this often…but does that make this any less true? All that I worry about, all that I hold onto…is He not bigger? Is He not before all things, and holding all things together? Why do I not truly believe this? Why has this truth not captured my heart and transformed my way of thinking and living out? Why do I continue to fail and falter in seeing this?

Jesus, once again, I am faced with the unbelief that is so prevalent in my heart and mind, once again, I am brought to the place of your truth colliding with my heart and mind and allowing your Word to wash over me. Thank you for your truth. Thank you for your never ending presence and working in my own life and in all of your creation. Please remove the veil from my eyes, that I would see you more clearly. Thank you Jesus, in your Name, Amen.

Erin

September 2, 2011

Ephesians 6:10–11

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11Put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

There are so many things that I try to be strong in…but they all fail and I am left not strong but weak…

I wonder how different my life would be if instead of trying to find strength in other things, in other people, in myself, I would find my strength in Jesus…I wonder what lies I would stop believing, I wonder what TRUTH would capture my heart…

I am not truly strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might…I am not always guarded with the full armour of God…I so easily fall prey to the schemes of the devil and am unable to stand against them.

I am reminded by how far I fall short of of you Jesus, apart from you I have no strength…Jesus help me, be my strength, be my hope, be my shield, my armour, my God…let this move from the ideal to the reality…that I would be strong in you…in the midst of all that would weaken me – be my strength!
In Your Name, Amen.

Erin

August 5, 2011

2 Corinthians 5:7

“for we walk by faith, not by sight”

It’s funny, or possibly telling that I would fall upon this verse tonight…

I was confronted with the truth today that I don’t like; I’m not comfortable with God being in control… I mean I will always fall into the cliche answer that God is in control and I can usually lie to myself, believing that I am totally okay with this, but when push comes to shove, when there is nothing in a circumstance or time that I can control, then I freak out and I question whether He is there at all…

I admit that in my life I walk by sight and not by faith, I mean I may step out in faith in some aspects, some areas of my life…but “faith” is not where I dwell…“sight” is… My heart is so entrenched in unbelief and doubt when it comes to the provision and faithfulness of God…in this moment, this I am realizing…this I am being confronted on.

Jesus, there is so much work that you need to do in me, in my heart. There is still much unbelief within my heart which surfaces in the times I feel far from you and far from control…I don’t want control, I really don’t, yet not being in control, not having every plan set in place, not knowing the future and not believing you for the BEST is scary…it’s unsettling and unnerving…. Jesus, you have and you continue to bless me with so much, you have proven yourself to be faithful and trustworthy over and over…and I, like the prodigal daughter that I am continue to doubt you, continue to dwell in unbelief, continue to walk by my sight (which is incredibly limited and subjective) rather than walk by faith in you, in your faithfulness, in your promises, in your love.

Thank you for loving me, thank you for being my Father! I love you, increase my love and desire for you, please help me to walk by faith and not by sight, I pray this in your Name, Jesus, Amen.

Erin

July 15, 2011

1 Corinthians 6:19b-20a

19…You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price…

I was bought with a price…the highest, most costly price imaginable…Jesus shed His blood for me, He gave up His life that I might know real life. How does this truth not break me daily? How can I continue to go on living day to day thinking that my life is my own?

This truth has yet to seep into my heart, it has yet to penetrate the deepest part of my being. It has yet to completely conform and transform my thought processes and the way I do life…

The fact that you carried the cross that was meant for me, the fact that you hung on that cross bleeding and dying, the fact that your body was broken, that you were rejected and despised among people because of me does not break me as it should….I am not on my knees begging you for mercy or thanking you for your love and grace…

Instead I continue in my life, believing that it is my life, believing that I am my own, that I deserve and am entitled to certain things, certain gifts, certain blessings and frusterated, doubting of you when I feel these unmet…

I have come face to face with your blessings, you have met my needs and exceeded my expectations, but instead of devoting my time to you I have pushed you aside, choosing work, choosing a busy schedule over spending time with you…I don’t want to just fall into a routine or a legalistic mindset…but I do want to come to you in my gratefulness and amazement of you and your love, recognizing or being reminded that I am not my own, that I was bought with a price – that price being your life. Forgive me for the countless times I take this foregranted, forgive me for my hard and fickle heart. Soften my heart towards you Jesus that I may come to you out of my complete and total dependence of you and gratefulness and love for you and not out of a legalistic routine, but a heart that is devoted to you…This is my prayer Jesus, Amen.

Erin

June 24, 2011

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” – Psalm 46:10

This verse is like a hug and a kick all at the same time…I am comforted and confronted…

Comforted that regardless of life’s circumstances, in the midst of pain, brokenness, confusion, chaos…God is still God!

But, I am confronted by the truth that I don’t really believe this, that I am never just still and knowing that He is God, I don’t grab hold of His promises and live in them… It’s not that I have the confidence in myself and in my problem solving and so feel that I don’t need God and can handle this on my own…Maybe it’s that even after all these years of following Him…I still don’t know how to come to Him, rest in Him, be still and know that He is God. And even if I knew how to come to Him…there is still much distrust in my heart as to His heart for me…

Sometimes, often…if I am honest…I don’t trust His BEST…

There is so much brokenness and pain all around, it is everywhere and it can be overwhelming, paralyzing…really what can I do other than trust, other than rest in the God who is God always, the God who will be exalted among the nations, the God who will be exalted in the earth…the God who is even today exalted!

I love you Jesus and I am sorry for my distrust and disbelief…quiet my heart, quiet my mind, teach me to be still and know that you are God.

I pray this in your Name, Amen.

Erin

June 17, 2011

Romans 2:4

“Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”

I think there are many times when I take the kindness of God, the blessings of God foregranted….there is a sense of entitlement in me that my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my ideal is God’s best for me, and anything not in those plans is not God’s best… Who am I to somehow try to determine what God’s best is, who am I to try to bargain my will with God’s will?

The Bible says that “All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness” (Psalm 25:10) He is love, He is faithful….He does not just act in love, faithfulness and kindness…it is who He is…

His kindness is not meant for me to live in a sense of entitlement, expecting Him to fulfill my desires…

His kindness is meant to lead me to repentance, to see and recognize the sin in my life, to turn from it and toward Him in reverent awe, in gratitude and thankfulness – accepting and clinging to His grace and kindess…

Thank you for your kindness, that you teach and discipline in your love. Keep my heart soft to you and ready to do your will. I pray this in your Name, Amen.

Erin

June 3, 2011

Acts 20

22 “And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, 23 except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. 24 But I do not count my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”

Paul was all about the gospel and sharing the gospel… He counted his own life as no value to him, and so he was willing to be led where the Spirit was leading him, though he knew it was going to be hard; he would face imprisonment and afflictions and his death.

My fear of the unknow so often keeps me from Jesus… I do not count my life as nothing, I hold onto it tightly, afraid to trust Jesus, afraid to allow Him to lead me where He wants to lead me…afraid of the cost…

Paul knew that following Jesus, sharing the gospel was going to cost him his life, yet his goal, his prize was this: “if only I may finish my course and the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”

I am humbled and convicted by Paul’s words, by Paul’s life and his ministry in sharing the gospel…

Jesus, please continue to work in my heart that I would grow to be all about the gospel and sharing, living the gospel and loving people. I pray this in your Name, Amen.

Erin

May 20, 2011

Acts 10

27 And as he talked with them, he went in and found many persons gathered. 28 And he said to them, “You yourselves know how unlawful it is for a Jew to associate with or to visit anyone of another nation, but God has shown me that I should not call any person common or unclean.

God was changing Peter’s heart towards those outside of the Jewish faith, He was changing the hearts of the apostle’s and the heart of the church…

The message of the Gospel was not only for the Jews, but the Gentiles and every nation.

The Gospel is the ‘good news’ for all…not just us who are in the church, but for the world…

John 3:16–17
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”

As I read and reflect on this very familiar passage of scripture, I am struck by the truth that the message of the Gospel is the message of love, not of condemnation or judgement, but of love.

Sadly, I believe the majority of the world have only heard a message of condemnation and judgement…we, as the body of Christ have failed to share the true message of love…

I have failed to share the true message of love… I have removed myself from uncomfortable situations with uncomfortable people for fear of being judged, for fear of being misunderstood, for fear of sharing the Gospel and somehow getting it wrong…

I guess the question I’ve been asking myslef lately is how can I get it wrong if the only thing I’m about is loving people? If the pressure to preach to others about what is right and what is wrong is removed from the picture of sharing the Gospel…if we became a people devoted to Jesus and to loving His people (the world around us)...I wonder how differently the world would view Jesus and the message of the Gospel….

Jesus was a friend of sinners, He hung out with the tax collectors and prostitutes!

Jesus, I pray that you would help me to just love, to share the Gospel through my love of you and people…that what I do would be out of this love.

Thank you Jesus, in your Name, Amen.

Erin

May 6, 2011

John 21

7 That disciple whom Jesus loved…

20 Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who had been reclining at table close to him and had said “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” 21 When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord what about this man?” 22 Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”...
24 This is the disciple who is bearing witness about these things, and who has written these things, and we know that his testimony is true.

Throughout the book of John…the author uses the phrase “the disciple whom Jesus loved”...

John knew who he was and more importantly he knew whose he was…he belonged to Jesus, his identity and belonging was wrapped in the truth that he was loved by Jesus…he was the “disciple whom Jesus loved.”

There is much that I have taken my identity, even my value from…but all these fail, all these don’t measure up…

But the honest truth is, is that sometimes I don’t want to be valued just for who I am, but what I do, what I can bring to the table…how I can help to make something better…I don’t want to be the ‘star player’, just a ‘player’, and so I am in a constant state of trying and failing, of working outside of my true identity and clinging to false identities… Sometimes, the fact that Jesus loves me isn’t enough.

This brings me back to John…there was probably much he could have said when identifying himself…but nothing else mattered, everything paled in comparisson to the truth that he was loved by Jesus. His identity, his value, his belonging was that he was “the disciple whom Jesus loved.”

What was true of John is true of me…I am loved by Jesus!!!

Jesus, help me to find my identity in you, not in the values of the world, but in the value, in the truth that I am loved by you! I pray this in your Name, Amen.

Erin

April 29, 2011

John 16:33

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Jesus spoke these words to His disciples just hours before He would be crucified…

Death does not equal overcoming…I can only imagine how hopeless and alone His followers must have felt and how confused they must have been by Jesus’ words spoken hours before His death…

I just recently watched “The Passion Of The Christ” movie…the absolute hardest thing in the world to watch, but no doubt the most meaningful…It portrays horrifically the pain and suffering that Jesus went through leading up to His death and His death on the cross…

While watching this, seeing this…I admit, I felt pretty hopeless, it was hard for me to wrap my head and my heart around the truth that Jesus willingly went to the cross, He was, in this…overcoming the world! There is a beautiful, painful part in the movie where Jesus is crawling, stumbling onto the cross…His body bleeding and broken…yet He willingly places Himself on the cross…no one put Him there…

I want that image of Him to be forever etched on my heart, that I would not for one moment question the depth of His love and grace and His power to overcome the world, to overcome my world…

He willingly gave His life and He rose and conquered death…He has overcome!

Jesus, I thank you for loving me in the midst of my sin, in the midst of my brokenness…thank you for the peace that is mine in you regardless of circumstance, regardless of tribulation…Thank you Jesus, that you have overcome!

I love you, in your Name, Amen.

Erin

April 22, 2011

John 12

23 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”

27 “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name.”

As a child, whenever it came to the part of the story where Jesus died on the cross…there would be fear and uneasiness…there was a park, garden that I lived close to in Richmond that my uncle would take me to and they had statues of Jesus’ life, but I dreaded the one of Him on the cross, I remember not wanting to go near it, and probably begging him for us not to go see it…

It’s interesting that there was such a fear that was in me as a child regarding the cross and the death of Jesus…and now today as I reflect on the meaning of this day above all other days…that fear is gone, that uneasiness is gone.

Today, on ‘Good Friday’ I am grateful, I am so thankful and I am broken by the reality of the depth of His love for me…that He would suffer and die and conquer the sin in my life out of His love for me…

Today, I remember the cross and I celebrate the life and the freedom and the hope that I have because of His sacrifice and because of His victory over death!

Jesus, thank you!

In your Name, Amen.

Erin

April 15, 2011

John 7:18

The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood.

I was hit this morning with the realization that more often than not I am afraid to speak my thoughts, my views when it comes to what I believe…I can express feelings and my heart to some extent, but when it comes down to the theology, the set in stone, stake in the ground facts…I’m quiet.

And I’m left wondering and considering why this is… Is it that I am afraid that I am speaking on my own authority and not on that of the Father? Is it that through so much of my unlearning these past couple of years, I am filled with far more questions than answers and I just don’t trust a lot of what I grew up trusting in?

Am I seeking my own glory or the glory of Him who sent me? Am I afraid of misrepresenting myself or Him?

I am afraid to speak of that which I do not fully know, I am afraid to place my stake in the ground in theological debates…I am far more concerned with matters of the heart and soul and the application of God’s Word in my life…but am I ‘copping’ out when it comes to the foundational truths?

I believe in grace, I believe in truth…but I don’t always understand what the scriptures are saying, my head can not always grasp the implications and meaning…the facts…

I guess today, I’m so thankful for the community of people who love Jesus and are on this journey alongside me…I don’t need to have this all figured out, but I do need to be willing and open to allow Jesus to be continually moving in my heart and leading and guiding me closer to Him, seeking His glory and not my own.

Jesus, today I come before you completely aware of all that I do not understand and know, but also believing that you are here in the midst of my uncertainties and questioning. I pray that I would seek your glory and that in my searching for you there would be no falsehood within me. I love you, in your Name, Amen.

Erin

April 8, 2011

John 2:23–25

23 Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing. 24 But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people 25 and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.

Did Jesus guard Himself from these people…because he knew their hearts and how fickle they truly were?

Honestly, I’m confused by this passage, I’m confused by what its saying…and my fear is that I could so easily take this passage out of context and shape it to somehow fit into what I think its saying….

So Jesus, I pray for wisdom and discernment as I try to unpack the truth of your Word and allow it to penetrate my heart.

Jesus lived and died completely and totally giving of Himself to the people in His world, yet He knew that not all would follow or believe in Him, that many would not accept His words, that they would turn against Him and betray Him…He loved, He served, He gave…knowing the hearts of people…knowing “what was in man.”

I struggle with trust, and I don’t really know the true hearts of people, not like Jesus…yet I withhold my love, I don’t give of myself completely and totally for fear of rejection, for fear of hurt, for fear of what people might do, how they might act or respond to me if they really knew me…

I realize I have guarded my heart for far too long…and I think…if it were at all possible…I have even guarded my heart from Jesus!

I know that the journey that I am on, the journey that we are all on requires me to let down my guard, requires me to love…at cost to me, at cost to my comfort and security, entrusting myself to Jesus.

Jesus, I am sorry for continually failing at loving you and loving people, please help me to entrust myself to you and just love and give of myself because ultimately I am in you…I love you Jesus, help me to love you more.

I pray this in your Name, Amen.

Erin

April 1, 2011

Luke 21:34,36

34But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap…36But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man.

Often, especially lately, I have been beginning to recognize that I live so much of my life just going through the motions, the routine, moving from one day to the next, one moment to the next, without giving it much thought…

I fail to live intentionally, forgetting that there will be a day, there will be a time when this world, all that I hold onto and make much of will pass away, will disappear…Am I living for His glory, am I working for His kingdom?

Sadly…I have to admit to myself that I am not, that if Christ were to come today, I’m not sure that I would be prepared…There are people in my life I need to love more, there are people I have yet to meet in my life that I need to love, need to point to Jesus, there are many people in my life that I have failed to point to Jesus, that I have failed to make much of Him to, that I have not discipled and am called to disciple.

Jesus, help me to not go through the motions, to not get caught in the routine and miss out on you, on what you want to do in and through me…Help me to love people and to live intentionally pointing to you and discipling those you call me to. Jesus forgive me for all the ways, all the times I fail to truly walk with you, to truly love and live my life to bring you glory.

I love you Jesus, In your Name, Amen.

Erin

March 18, 2011

Luke 11:2–4

And he said to them, “When you pray, say:

“Father, hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread,
and forgive us our sins,
for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us.
And lead us not into temptation.”

Lately I’ve been realizing how little I truly pray, how much I struggle with prayer and I’m wondering if I over complicate it…

The disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray…His response is not an elaborate, detailed prayer, but a simple, yet profound prayer…

First, I need to come to the Father, recognizing who He is, proclaiming His power, His sovereignty, His praise…often I just move right to the request, right to the need…And I wonder how much doubt, how much lack of faith I am allowing to course through my mind and heart without first stopping and allowing myself to bask in the beauty, in the power of my Savior….I wonder how much my prayers would change if I first, before anything else just offered my praise!

I need to be alligned with His will, recognizing that the reason I come before Him in prayer is not to have my requests granted, but so that I may experience Him and His presence more fully…it’s not about the answer, it’s about the relationship, the trust and faith in who He is in the midst of my doubts, in the midst of the circumstances.

“And I tell you, ‘ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock; and it will be opened to you. For eveyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.’ (Luke 11:9–10)...

I need to pray fervently, persistently…

I need to come to Him asking and believing and trusting in His will…my heart and mind struggle so much with focusing on Jesus, there are so many distractions, so many barriers…I have so much uncertaintly, so much of the time I doubt that He will answer…

But He wants me to come to Him with my needs, with my desires, He wants me to confide in Him and trust in His love for me, trust in His provision…what He desires is a relationship with me His daughter, He desires a relationship with us His children…and Jesus teaches us how to pray… I am nowhere near to getting this…but this is my prayer…

Father, you are beyond worthy of my praise, I cannot begin to even fathom how great you are, I pray that my heart would be alligned with your will, that my goal, my purpose would be the advancement of your kingdom here on earth. Provide everything I need that I may depend on you, forgive me for all the ways, all the times I set my heart against you and help me to forgive those who have caused me pain, guard my heart against anything that would cause me to stumble…may you be glorified, in your Name, I pray, Amen.

Erin

March 11, 2011

Luke 6:26

Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets.

I like to be liked and well spoken of by people…

NO, I need to be liked and well spoken of…I need to have this image that I have got it all together, that I love people well, work hard and give of my time, my energy to serve people and love people… This, I think has primarily been my goal in my Christian life, growing up in the church…being good, being kind, and doing good has been what I have sought after and still do…and I have always been pretty good at it, but have beaten myself up hard when I have failed!

I mean, I really do love people and care about people, but it’s not enough…But, lately it’s not working, I have been faced with the fact that I am not as good as I would like to think I am, that I don’t have it all together as I wish I did…

”...for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45)

there is something damaged and broken in my heart…I live for people and I am failing at it…

Maybe this is exactly where Jesus needs me to be, to actually come to terms with the truth that I cannot will myself to always be loving, always be kind…patience runs out, exhaustion kicks in and I give in to it…I have been leaning on my own strength and I have been working towards the wrong goal – to have people speak well of me…well Jesus says “woe” to me.

In the Kingdom of God, the heart really matters, but the heart, my heart, can’t do it alone…I am in desperate need of my Savior!!!

Jesus, I repent of my continual seeking of the wrong goal, I repent of my attempt of trying to walk this journey alone, and I ask you to please breathe new life into me, that the only love I would love with would be your love, not for my own glory or recognition, but for you and your glory…Break my heart with love for you and for your people.

In your Name, Jesus, I pray, Amen.

Erin

March 4, 2011

Luke 1:38

And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

As I read this passage, I was struck by the difference of response from Zechariah to Mary…Zechariah doubted the angel’s words and questioned how he would know that this would happen. Mary questioned “how” as any person would, but then she, in faith, trusted in what the angel told her.

I have heard and read this story countless of times and so I think I have almost come accustomed to Mary’s response…but when I really think about it, when I really pause and ponder what was really going on in this story at this time, Mary’s response to the angel is incredible, she fully believes in the angel’s words though it doesn’t make sense at all…

I’m sure Mary had many questions going through her heart and her mind at the angel’s words, but she chose to respond in faith, she chose to believe against all odds, she chose to accept what God was doing in and through her…

When I think about how I respond to the seemingly impossible or even just the things that I can’t make sense of…there is a huge contrast between mine and Mary’s. I don’t know if I have ever actually really stepped out in faith and believed against all odds… I don’t know if I have ever really just surrendered my own ideas, my own feelings, my own reasonings and clung to Jesus, clung to His words, His truth, His promises…against all odds.

Maybe my faith really hasn’t been tested, maybe I’ve never encountered such a call to believe and trust in the seemingly impossible…but that doesn’t mean that it won’t happen…following Jesus, trusting in Him requires faith, it calls me to step out of what I know, of what makes me comfortable and to cling to Jesus…

And I fully suck at this…everything in me that wants to control and be okay fights back on this hugely, a lot of the time I have left no room for Jesus to work or move in my life, which means that more brokenness needs to happen, that I need to be forced to surrender…and this terrifies me!

Jesus, help me, work in me, that daily, moment by moment, I would grow in trusting in you, that I would grow in surrendering to you, that I would would choose to believe and follow you and trust in you…against all odds.

I pray this in your Name, Jesus, Amen.

Erin

February 25, 2011

Mark 12:34

And when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God…”

As I read this…I’m not sure if there would be anything greater for me to hear from Jesus in this time, than these words: “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” He’s saying “you’re on the right track, you are growing…”

Growth is probably the thing I desire most at the moment, and right now growth feels far off… I often feel like true growth will never happen, I doubt Jesus so much in this…

I long for growth, but I also fear growth probably more than anything…maybe because growth forces me out of the known, into the unknown and abandonment of my own false securities…securities that I have held on to for far too long and have allowed to define and identify me and in so doing have rejected my identity in Christ.

I find growth is hard for me to measure, it’s not something I really feel or can see in my own life, and if it is, it is shortlived…

Today, I wonder what Jesus is saying to me, what He is whispering or maybe shouting over me and I am too deaf or too distracted to hear…Today, I both long for and fear growth, but pray that somehow I would move just one step closer to being not far from the kingdom of God…

I pray that His kingdom would be my ultimate desire and that I would be His willing vessel, regardless of comfort or security…

Jesus, move me towards growth, towards your kingdom and your glory…may all else truly pale in comparisson.

I pray this Jesus, in your Name, Amen.

Erin

February 18, 2011

Mark 7:26–30

26 Now the woman was a Gentile, a Syrophenian by birth. And she begged him to cast the demon out of her daughter. 27 And he said to her, “Let the children be fed first, for it is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” 28 But she answered him, “Yes, Lord; yet even the dogs under the table eat the children’s crumbs.” 29 And he said to her, “For this statement you may go your way; the demon has left your daughter.” 30 And she went home and found the child lying in bed and the demon gone.

As I read through this passage of scripture, I am moved to tears by the beauty of this woman’s response to Jesus…she doesn’t argue or try to somehow prove her worth or value, she doesn’t take offence or attempt to defend herself…

She simply understands and accepts the truth; the truth that there is nothing in her that makes her worthy of Jesus. She could never do, never be enough, and rather than fight it, she accepts it and experiences the touch of Jesus on her daughter’s life.

I feel that my response, when confronted with the same truth as this woman is quite different… I try to somehow prove my worth or try to measure up, not just to Jesus, but to everyone in my life…and I, without fail, come up short…

What was true for this woman, is true for me…and I pray that my response would grow continually to be as that of the Syrophoenician woman.

Jesus, help me in my vision, may I see and accept myself as you see and accept me – broken, with nothing to prove to you…and yet deeply loved.

I pray this in your Name, Amen.

Erin

February 11, 2011

Genesis 30

1 When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die!” 2 Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel, and he said, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?”

22 Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb. 23 She conceived and bore a son and said, “God has taken away my reproach.” 24 And she called his name Joseph, saying, “May the LORD add to me another son!”

Pain and heartache seems to be a main component in this story…anger and bitterness against God and against one another…and it kinda leaves me wondering, what was God doing? What was His plan in all this?

Was He just walking them down a journey of learning to trust in Him, was this a consequence of some of the choices that Jacob had made?

I guess this story, this passage of scripture causes me to stop and reflect on my own life, on my own story, or rather God’s story in my life… What is He teaching me, what is he doing in me even now…and more importantly what will my response be?

Eventually God “remembered” Rachel and gave her the desire of her heart…but her response was one of “thanks God, please give me another son, please answer me again”... Shouldn’t the one son been enough of an answer to her prayer? Shouldn’t she have been grateful and satisfied without wanting more?

Is it really just never enough? In my own life, when God answers a prayer or makes Himself known to me, is it enough?

I often catch myself feeling a sense of entitlement to the blessings and things I feel I need or desire in my life… But what if God chooses to not answer me in these, what if He decides that His glory, His renown will be better made known in and through my life by leaving these desires unmet in my life…will I still worship Him, will I still trust in Him, will I surrender to Him above all else?

God, I feel a battle inside of me between trusting in you and fighting you…but you are much stronger and ultimately there is nothing I can do…so please help me to surrender to you, to your work, to your plan for my life.

In your Name, Amen.

Erin

January 28, 2011

Matthew 20:24–28
But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

I’ve been reminded lately of the importance of humility and servanthood, I think so often my intentions are to be noticed and to feel validated in whatever I am taking on, whether that is a form of leadership or service… When my intentions are not of a heart that is solid and firm in my foundation in Jesus, I quickly give in to irrational emotion, hurt, and bitterness.

The call of Jesus is not to become great, it is so different then the expectation of the world…it is to be humble, to be a servant.

Jesus had reason to lord His authority over others…yet He came to us as a servant, even willingly laying down His life for us… And I have a hard time with giving up my wants, my perceived needs, my comforts, to step out into insecurity and just love and serve people with no strings attached.

I love to love people who love me back, I love to serve those whom I love and whom I respect and appreciate and who are gracious and loving towards me…however I have a hard time with doing the same when the expectation or entitlement is just there…my heart is harder than I want to admit…

Jesus doesn’t say that I should be a servant to those I want to serve, but to serve at cost to me.

Jesus’ servanthood cost Him everything, cost Him His life…the question is once again…“Am I willing to die to myself?” How often I fail at this, how often I put my needs, my wants, my comfort above all else…

Jesus, my prayer today is that you would break my heart with your heart for people, that you would open my eyes to see people, to love people and to serve people as you do regardless of cost to me…I pray this in your Name, Amen.

Erin

January 14, 2011

Matthew 10:39

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

So many of my goals and dreams and desires are about finding life, living life, becoming something to myself, to someone, to people around me. I want my life to count, to mean something to someone…I struggle with the descent…but that is where Jesus is calling me…

He is calling me to not try to find my life, but to intentionally lose my life, let go to find true life in Him. In Him is life, the only life that makes any sense, the only life that really is life.

Yet, I don’t really believe this… I have been on a continual search to find a different life than the life Jesus is talking about; this life that society paints as significant, meaningful…being successful, put together, strong and independant…

I am not any of these things…I have never been the strong independant type, I need a support system, I need family and friends and most importantly I need Jesus. I need Him to continually show me that the life that I have been searching for, longing for…I can really only find in Him and in letting go…

I know He is asking me to let go, to trust Him, to deny myself the comfort and security that I not only want, but cling to.

I wonder if you are at all like me, if you have been searching to experience the life that everyone else around seems to have, when all along Jesus is saying…“LET GO…”

I don’t think this is something we just get overnight and it is natural and easy to let go, but I do think and believe that this is the journey that we are on, the journey that Jesus calls us to. If we are to love as He loves, if we are to be to people, Jesus, and point them to something more…then we need to be living this out…not always getting it, but asking Him to help us lay ourselves down, our wants, our desires out of our love for Him and our desire for LIFE!

In so many ways I hate this, I wish it were easy…I am lazy and often feel like giving up in the hard…I give in to fear more often than walking out in obedience and giving up my illusion of control is honestly not something I want to do…

Jesus, I pray that you would help me not to settle for anything other than the life that is in you, the life that is truly you…help me to let go of that which I cling to in order to find and experience you in your fullness. Thank you Jesus, in your Name, Amen.

Erin

January 7, 2011

Matthew 5:6

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

There is so much is this one book of Matthew…Jesus is going through the law of the Old Testament and bringing light to the heart of the matter not just the physical act of obeying or disobeying the law, but the heart. And that’s what it comes down to…the HEART…my heart.

I get caught up in the doing…but in my doing can I honestly say that I am often hungering and thirsting for righteousness???

Or am I more so focused on the outward appearance of my faith, my relationship with Jesus, while the inward state of my heart is far from righteousness, far from seeking Him?

I’m not sure I know the answer to that. I’ve been searching my heart and I keep falling into the pattern of doing…performance is the lense by which I see myself most often, it’s the the lense by which I credit my value, my worth, my identity…

Jesus is saying “It’s not about how you perform, it’s not about what you do or don’t do…are you seeking, are you hungering and thirsting after righteousness in your heart?”

I’m reading this incredible book called “The Gift Of Being Yourself” and one truth the author keeps bringing to light is that Jesus sees me just as I am, He sees you just as you are and He loves us in our entirety, our complete humanity…We need to see ourselves the way He sees us and learn to love the whole, not just the good, desirable characteristics or parts of ourselves, but our complete and total true selves…the parts we are realy good at hiding or at least think we are…

I know in my heart that there is a freedom, a belonging and acceptance in Christ and an assurance in His never ending, His agape love that I have yet to experience or totally believe in yet…and that this is the journey to His heart that He is inviting me to walk…and there is a promise in this short beatitude:

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.”

In my searching and seeking…I am not alone, He will meet with me and I will be satisfied…

So Jesus, search my heart…help me to truly hunger and thirst for righteousness, for knowing you and growing in you…Jesus let my heart be after you.
In your Name I pray, Amen.

Erin

December 31, 2010

Malachi 3:2–3

But who can endure the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appears? For he is like a refiner’s fire and like fullers’ soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.

As I read this passage of scripture and try to articulate what I feel His Spirit may be speaking to me…I honestly just need to ask “what’s in my heart, what’s on my heart?”...

Lately, this refining and purifying process that leads to holiness, righteousness and deep growth is something I have found myself pushing back on hard…Sometimes just the thought of picking up my Bible and reading it frustrates me and stresses me out…at times I can feel myself wanting to push Him out, just not wanting to go where He may take me – through the refining and purifying, into growth, holiness and righteousness.

I don’t understand this push back, this stubborness and hardness within myself…I honestly wish that I could always just have a willingness to follow Him and trust Him…that I could say and believe in my heart that the refining and purifying, the working of God in my life is always my desire, no matter how hard and painful at the time – believing that the outcome of righteousness and His glory being revealed is worth it…

I guess I am realizing daily that I cannot will myself to engage in your refining and purifying process in my heart, in my life Jesus…I can’t just choose to believe, can’t just decide to trust you…it is only by you…by your grace. The truth is I cannot endure and I cannot stand alone, on my own with you at work within me. Holy Spirit lay down my defences, let down my guard and please work in my heart, work in my mind, work in my life to do what only you can do.

In your Name I pray, Amen.

Erin

December 24, 2010

Zechariah 12:10

And I will pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem a spirit of grace and pleas for mercy, so that when they look on me, on him whom they have pierced, they shall mourn for him, as one mourns for an only child, and weep bitterly over him, as one weeps over a firstborn.

Do I weep when I think of the real reason we celebrate Christmas? Does the thought of Christ coming (God with us) because of His grace, love and mercy, to give His life for me bring me to tears, does it break and wreck me as it should? Or have I made Christmas, in my heart and in my head something that it was never meant to be? Yes, I have always loved Christmas, loved being together and celebrating with family and friends…

But the real beauty in Christmas is Jesus, is the cross…is the gospel.

As I listen to one of my favorite Christmas songs, “What Child Is This?”...I am reminded…and in a very small way I am a little bit broken, tears are brought to my eyes at the reality of what Christmas means to me, what it means for the world.

Jesus, thank you… In your Name Amen.

Erin

December 10, 2010

Mark 8:16–21

And they began discussing with one another the fact that they had no bread. And Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” They said to him, “Twelve.” “And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” And they said to him, “Seven.” And he said to them, “Do you not yet understand?”

“DO YOU NOT YET UNDERSTAND?”

I think maybe Jesus is asking me this right now…

I think maybe He is wanting to show me that I so easily don’t see, don’t hear, that I so easily forget His faithfulness. He has and continues to show Himself faithful, completely trustworthy and loving and yet somehow even in the midst of His presence (like the disciples) I don’t see it, I don’t believe it…I don’t understand it.

I worry, I stress, I work myself into such an anxious and distracted state…that Jesus could be screaming “DO YOU NOT YET UNDERSTAND?” and I wouldn’t hear it…

Yes, I have eyes…But do I really see?

Yes, I have ears…But do I really hear?

Do I remember, in the hard? In the questioning and confusion do I remember, do I cling to the memories of His provision, His blessing in the past, do I trust in His promises? Or do I, like the disciples, see my current need, see my current lack of bread in the moment and forget?

My bent is to worry, is to somehow try to carry it on my shoulders or to just give up and give in to overwhelm.

I do not yet understand, I have not yet begun to fathom the depth of the provision of Jesus. Nothing is impossible for Him, I can do all things through Him because of His strength…these are all promises in the Word…promises that I fail to allow to capture my heart and bring me truth.

Jesus, would you change my heart, change my bent to learning to trust and growing in trusting in you.

In your Name, Amen.

Erin

December 3, 2010

Mark 2:16–17

And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” And when Jesus heard it he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”

“I came not to call the righteous, but sinners”...

I used to read or hear this passage and think of myself as being in the “righteous” category and not the “sinners.” So I always felt that this verse was a call or a mandate to go out there and love sinners…

But, as I read and reflect on this today…I see that in this story I am not among the righteous, but among the sinners…

Romans 3:23–24

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

I fall short of His glory daily, hourly, moment by moment. I continually fall back into my own brokenness and sinful heart and so I need Jesus, I desperately need Jesus, and I need to be reminded of this daily, even now in this moment…I need to be reminded of this.

It is only through recognizing my sin, recognizing that I am a sinner, that I can recognize my need for Jesus…And in coming to terms with my brokenness, with my sin and experiencing His grace, His renewing work in my heart and my life…can I come alongside my fellow sinners and truly love them, truly accept them and walk alongside them.

Jesus, I pray that I would never feel righteous in my own eyes, that I would never forget my brokenness and sin and how desperately I need you, and somehow think that I’ve got it all together. Help me to recognize my need for, and dependance on you. Thank you for the cross, for your love and your grace. Help me to walk in these, to love through these today, In your Name Amen.

Erin

November 26, 2010

2 Peter 1:5–8

”...make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

It’s so easy for me to look at a passage of scripture like this and see a list of ‘do’s’ a list of behaviour modification…but that isn’t the point…the point is Jesus…

Yet, I get so caught up in the behaviour, I work hard to try to be a certain way, try to act a certain way, to try to be the person that I expect myself to be and the person I perceive others expect me to be…and in so doing I miss the point…I miss Jesus…

There is freedom in Christ that I know I have yet to fully experience, the freedom that would look at a passage of scripture like this and see that it is only by His grace, by His work in my life that I can even begin to supplement my faith with anything, even begin to experience having faith in the first place…

Jesus, work in my heart that I would not be so focused on behaviour, but that you would continually be doing the work in me that only you can do…Thank you for your grace, that by it I am free, that by it I can begin to live out in faith.

In your Name, Amen

Erin

November 19, 2010

Ezekiel 39:28

“Then they shall know that I am the Lord their God, because I sent them into exile among the nations and then assembled them into their own land. I will leave none of them among the nations anymore.”

God walks us through things we don’t want to be walked through, sometimes it may feel a little like we are being sent into exile…

I’ve been questioning lately the plans God has for my life, for our lives and the story of our lives…

If God is all about His glory, then how can I trust Him? How can I allow Him to walk me, to lead me where I don’t want to go?...

Maybe the greater question is…Do I trust Him? Will I allow Him to be my God, to lead me and guide me no matter where, no matter what that looks like…into exile and back if that is how His glory will be best revealed in my life?

“Then they shall know that I am the Lord their God…” Throughout the book of Ezekiel this phrase is continually present – through complete and total destruction, to the grace and love of God…God is about them knowing that He is God, that He is Sovereign, that He is Lord.

This is true in my life as well…and I need to ask myself: am I living a life that brings glory to Him, am I thinking, am I living in the perspective that it is about His glory, His Name and not my own? Will I be willing to walk through the unknown, to walk through the hard, to go after brokenness so that God’s glory will be best revealed, that He will be made known?

Lord, being about your glory scares me, the unknown scares me…I’m scared to be broken…But in the midst of my fear and in my (already) brokenness, I pray that you would help me to choose your glory above all else. That my life would be about your glory, that my life would be revealing your glory. Today, would you be glorified, today would you be made known.

In your Name Amen.

Erin

October 29, 2010

Ezekiel 18:25, 30–32

God is just and God is love…

Scripture continually brings to light both of these truths of God…yet in Ezekiel, both of these truths are questioned and challenged by the house of Israel…God’s response?

“Yet you say, the way of the Lord is not just. Hear now, O house of Israel: Is my way not just? Is it not your ways that are not just?...Therefor I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways, declares the Lord God. Repent and turn from all your transgressions, lest iniquity be your ruin. Cast away from you all the trangressions that you have committed, and make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit! Why will you die, O house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Lord God; so turn, and live.”

…The heart of God for His people, even after all they have done to turn from Him and chosen to live apart from Him…is still love and compassion…He is calling them to Himself, He is showing them a way out…Sin cannot go unpunished, but there is redemption, if they just turn to Him and cast away all that has kept them entangled in sin…

I am once again reminded and confronted of the depth of my sin and the depth of the grace and love of Jesus…I am powerless to redeem myself, I deserve to pay over an over again for my sin…but Jesus, once and for all paid for it all and now I live in the freedom and the life of Him…

The story of Ezekiel, the story of the Bible, the story of my life is the story of the relentless pursuit of God for His people, that we might know and experience His love and the life that is in Him and in response, turn away from all that would lead us to death.

In everything today Jesus, help me to turn to you…Thank you for the life that I have in you, help me to live in it, in your Name, Amen.

Erin

October 22, 2010

Psalms 134:1–2

1 Praise the Lord, all you servants of the Lord who minister by night in the house of the Lord. 2 Lift up your hands in the sanctuary and praise the Lord.

In every moment God is to be praised…

I don’t come to God giving Him praise nearly enough, I come to Him with requests, with the honest broken state of my heart, with the brokenness that is all around me. Do I praise Him in these moments?

This passage is a call to those who serve in the night to not allow the praises of the Lord to stop…that just as the people praised the Lord and lifted their hands in the day, that the praises of the Lord would continue through the night…

I think that somehow, through my focus of asking to be led and guided, in asking for help to trust Jesus more, in asking for more of Jesus, in asking for what will bring me closer to Him, I have forgotten the importance of continual praise, I have failed to see Him and praise Him. In the seemingly good intentions of my heart, I have often missed the praise.

Jesus, today I recognize that I do not bring you the praise you deserve. Today I want to give you praise because of who you are and because this is what you call me to…Thank you Jesus! Amen.

Erin

October 15, 2010

Ezekiel 4:14

Then I said, “Not so, Sovereign Lord! I have never defiled myself. From my youth until now I have never eaten anything found dead or torn by wild animals. No unclean meat has ever entered my mouth.”

Throughout this whole time as God has been instructing Ezekiel on what to do…through the hard and uncomfortable call of what He is asking of him, Ezekiel has remained silent and has chosen to willingly walk in obedience.

But then this out-cry as a response to a particular thing God is asking him to do…and God graciously answers him and provides another way. This was too much for Ezekiel and God was faithful.

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13

It’s not that the call of Jesus on our lives isn’t hard…Ezekiel paints a picture of a very hard and uncomfortable call from God…there is suffering, there is brokenness, but through it all He is walking with us.

I need to be reminded of this truth daily, so often I just want the easy way. I look at the call of Ezekiel and honestly I’m just not sure I would want that kind of call, that kind of assignment from God…

I struggle with the hard, I struggle with the uncomfortable. I continually put limits on what I believe I can handle, limits on how much I feel I can take. Without even realizing it…I have focused much of my time and efforts on never willingly stepping into something I don’t think I can handle.

This is beginning to change; it has been a process of change and challenge…but I feel like I am about to step into a season fully knowing that this is more than I think I can handle, and in the midst of my fears and doubts, choosing to lean on Him and allow Him to lead and guide me.

This is not where I am, but this is where I am praying I will continually be moving to…

Jesus, thank you that you are faithful, thank you that you know me inside and out; you know how much I can handle and you will never give me more than I can handle. Lead me and guide me today Jesus, in your Name, Amen.

Erin

This is Love...

Date Posted: May 18 2012 by Erin MacIntosh
The Secure Place.

Date Posted: May 17 2012 by Brian Hawkins
A challenge.

Date Posted: May 16 2012 by Kyle Dyck
Thoughts and Thanks

Date Posted: May 15 2012 by Alecia Klassen

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