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I can do Proverbs 31 in the summer

August 31, 2010

Did a quick scan of the News feed on Facebook today and there it is in print, the bemoaning of the end of summer, the anticipation of buying things suitable for a lunch, and all the “don’t-tell-anyone-but-I-am-secretly-glad-school-is-around-the-corner” posts by moms.

It has been a quiet summer for me, quiet in that really enjoyable sense with the whole “schedule thing” dropping out of sight; I wasn’t sorry to see it go. It was also quiet because everyone had something to do this summer. I did miss seeing my crew every day, but I loved hearing how much fun everyone was having; it was a great summer. Still great if you count the Red-haven peaches which are ripe right now; pleasure in a bowl.

I don’t know how one would describe the other months of the year, but September looms. It is like this big thing around the corner; I will admit, the word that comes to mind is, “yikes!” So, it is almost annoying to me that, on the Bible reading guide I am following, Proverbs 31 falls on the last day of August. Sigh.

She has no fear, this Proverbs 31 woman. She laughs at the days to come. There is not a hint of dread in these verses (maybe they were written at the end of June). She makes things with her hands. She is clothed with strength and dignity. She speaks with wisdom, and her instructions are good. She shows good leadership, manages the house well and is never idle. She has outstanding, praiseworthy qualities. It makes me wonder, “Is this woman even real? And why isn’t there a Proverbs 31 man?” I digress…

Did all of this come naturally to her, or did she sit on the edge of her bed in the morning and say, “You can do it!” I mean, how much self-talk went into this woman’s routines? I can do Proverbs 31 in the summer when I feel well rested, but add a kazillion things to the list and I’m not feelin’ it so much.

If I could pick one quality that I would like to own today it would be the ability to laugh at the days to come. I over-think; I take things too seriously; and I internalize too much. But how do I not do this? I already know the answer to this, it is to continually own what Jesus is saying to me. He wants to show me how to live freely and lightly, but I keep putting weight onto the day.

This morning I was listening to my iPod in bed, listening to the book of Acts in preparation for the Fall. It really struck me how many times I heard “…and the Holy Spirit said…” and then the people responded. I lay there thinking about how many times the Holy Spirit has said something directly to me, and I responded (fewer times than I would like). The Holy Spirit is always right. Funny how great you feel when you know you are doing what is right (there are exceptions, like when the Holy Spirit asks you to do something really hard, that doesn’t feel great in the moment).

Every year (probably about this time) I find myself asking, “Why don’t you listen more?” I am a race-ahead kind of person and hope God blesses, rather than the reverse. It is no wonder I sometimes dread the days to come; I could be racing headlong into a wall.

The real key to the whole Proverbs 31 thing comes at the end when it says, “a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” A woman who fears the Lord can laugh at the days to come because, though not all the days are known to her, they are all known to Jesus. A woman who fears the Lord has inside information which allows her to to set her burdens down and have peace in the moment. Isn’t that what we are all after, I mean if you really boil it all down to one thing? Peace.

I am not much for resolutions, but I don’t want to walk around with a concerned look on my face this year. The truth is, though, 5 minutes from now something could happen that could put a knot in my stomach. Isn’t that true? How am I going to laugh then?

Well, it won’t happen on its own. It won’t happen by avoiding signs of conflict. It won’t be by isolation. It won’t even be by simplifying my schedule. People think that; people think if only they can get their life down to the very basics, and handle the most minimal of responsibilities only, they will have a sense of peace.

The absence of community does mean fewer people to argue with, but then I have decided to live outside of God’s plan. God wants us to work in circles, so what about that? And busy and not busy is not the ballgame either. I have been incredibly busy and have experienced heaps of joy; and I have had nothing on my plate and in the quietness been almost strangled by fear or sadness or worry.

C.S. Lewis said it best and this is what I need to return to minute by minute, in the middle of the quiet and in the middle of the whirlwind of life: “God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.”

God I just have to pray that you would be before me and behind me and beside me as I walk into this new season. Don’t let me get ahead and don’t let me disappear, but to look at you first and then stare down the day — just one day — and live it well.

– Teresa Klassen (http://www.onebrownleaf.wordpress.com)

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Consider: The Farmers Who Patiently Wait

August 4, 2010

Part 7 of “Consider This”

What do you do while you are waiting? I usually try to find some distraction, so I

a) Read a book

b) Journal

c) Play “Angry Birds” (my new, ridiculous, obsession)

d) Listen to the CBC (I’m not kidding)

e) Make a list

f) Phone someone

On most days, I would prefer not to wait. I would like to time things out perfectly so that no time is wasted because the way I see it, waiting is just the thing I do in between what’s important.

But what if waiting was the important part?

James 5:7 says, “Dear brothers and sisters, be patient as you wait for the Lord’s return.”

Now, when is the last time I thought seriously about the Lord’s return? To tell you the truth, I don’t think a lot about it. I am not scanning the skies; I don’t wake up and say, “today?” I think about Jesus a lot and I understand the exciting inevitability of meeting Him when I die; but as for today, I think more in terms of the present journey. I don’t know when He is going to return (the Bible says I cannot) so mostly I have been looking at what’s now and what’s next.

The assumption in the book of James though, is that I am waiting; it is telling me that actually I have been waiting for 42 years; my whole life. Waiting implies a part one and part two and it is strangely comforting to know that about my life. This is only part of what God has for me and there is more to come; but I am stuck with a question then: what shall I do in the meantime?

James continues,

Consider the farmers who patiently wait for the rains in the fall and in the spring. They eagerly look for the valuable harvest to ripen. You, too, must be patient. Take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near.

James doesn’t say, “Since you are waiting, keep yourself entertained.” Strange, because I think this is what most of us have heard. Also, he doesn’t say, “Wait it out.” He says, “As you wait.” He assumes we all get it that the big thing is not the here and now; this isn’t all there is; so we can all agree then? We are waiting for the Lord’s return. Now, in the meantime, consider the farmers.

I am a city-girl, but even I know that while a farmer may wait for a valuable harvest, there’s a whole-lotta legwork that has happened beforehand: soil prep, seed-planting, weeding, tending and such. That should keep us busy for a while (while we wait). There is the knowing where and when and how. And then there is an eye to the weather, oh yeah and the patience part.

Patience. James says, while you are waiting: be patient. Perfect; because patience is so easy (ha). I think of patience as “biding my time and biting my tongue” but there is more to it then that. Look what we must consider about patience:

  • Patience means having a long, enduring, and expectant spirit. We must not lose heart half way through the season. We only have so much time while we wait, so don’t cut out early.
    * Patience means keeping one eye on what we are planting and one eye to what we can imagine is coming and persevere. Every day is one day closer to Christ’s return, so get busy.
    * Patience means enduring through misfortunes and troubles and learning from them. Don’t check out because of hard-times, be steady, steady; be watchful and see what will happen during this time of your life.
    * Patience means that even though there will be detractors and those who both offend us and are offended by us; though we might even be injured by other people’s actions, we must keep our hat on and be mild and slow with our responses.
    * Patience means we must be long-suffering, slow to get angry, slow to go after people. If you knew you were waiting half-an-hour for something, would you bother getting into a useless argument? Try to think of your life as half-an-hour.

Waiting takes on a bit of a different feel in light of all that. Yes, it is what I do in between, but it isn’t a time to be wasted. And no, we don’t wait forever, so hang in there. In fact, it is such a short amount of time, best not waste it. We only have so much time to plant what we will, so much time to tend what we have, and then we will see what comes of it all.

– Teresa Klassen

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Permanent and Irreversible

July 23, 2010

Two nights ago I was having a relaxing evening hanging out with my favorite Michael. He was tidying up a paper he had to send off, and I was tidying up my account with WordPress. I had some old/unused accounts; names I had reserved but had changed my mind on and I decided to just get rid of them since they were making my dashboard crowded. So, I read up on what I needed to do and then I checked off the account I wanted to delete and hit “next”.

A very big, scary warning came up saying that to delete a blog is a PERMANENT AND IRREVERSIBLE ACTION and did I really want to do something PERMANENT AND IRREVERSIBLE. I have to admit, it gave me a chill! I went back and double checked: did I have the correct blog selected. Yes indeedy! So again, next step, big scary warning, and I said, “Yes.” Yes I want to go down that road and I am prepared for the consequences; bring it on!

The next thing that happens, when one is deleting a blog, just to help people like me who might suddenly have second thoughts even after saying, “Yes”: an email is sent where you are able to click a link which is now the final, final step. Here is where I think WordPress might reconsider it’s final, final step; I would like to suggest that there be a final, final, final step.

So I clicked the link and then merrily went back to see my neater global dashboard. Oddly, when I clicked on my “OneBrownLeaf” address a message appeared on a stark white screen that said, “The authors have deleted this blog. The content is no longer available.” That must be a mistake, I thought, and refreshed the screen. That must also be a mistake, I thought, seeing the very same message. I closed Firefox and opened it once more; I typed in the address and there it was telling me I had deleted my blog.

I said (with some volume) “Oh no!!!!!” I may have said this repetitively, I can’t quite recall, what with the light-headedness and my hands pressed over my eyes.

I quickly found the WordPress support and emailed them something with the subject line, “Hellllllllp!!!!!!!!!” I could picture my blog just dangling there, not quiet gone, retrievable like a wedding ring on the edge of the drain and if I got the word out fast enough they would respond and say, “Because of your quick thinking, Mrs. Klassen, we were able to save OneBrownLeaf from imminent destruction! Congratulations!”

WordPress has not returned my S.O.S. thus far, and it has given me some time to reflect on this experience.

When my website disappeared, I just kind of blanked out; I think it was the words PERMANENT AND IRREVERSIBLE. When some things go wrong in life, that is the way it seems. In varying degrees, a sense of panic creeps up my spine and spiders into my thoughts, wrapping my mind in a web of worry. I don’t consider myself a worrier, but that is when there is nothing to worry about. When something goes wrong, I can obsess over it. I can lose sleep over it. I can wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.

But what is PERMANENT AND IRREVERSIBLE? 1 Corinthians 10:13 (in the Bible) says,

“No Temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

There are two words in this verse that might throw us off, the first temptation and the second be tempted can be a bit confusing; here’s another way of looking at it:

“For no temptation (no trial, adversity, affliction, trouble), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.”

There are some pretty serious things that we wrestle with in life and I do not mean to make light of pain; but I must gently suggest (note to self) that even pain is a door we can walk through; we can find ourselves in a new place, when we are ready, if we choose to do so. 1 Corinthians 10 isn’t just for the garden variety trials, after all. Even our worst things can have an alternate ending.

With that disclaimer, I will return to my blog story. What was PERMANENT AND IRREVERSIBLE there? My actions were; kind of, but not really. I did lose something: an address, connections with some strangers/followers, traffic; but I was able to piece most of it back together because I had a backup. Last week I made a backup file of my blog. I didn’t really know how to do this, but I kind of figured it out and had even made a back-up site. I am sure this was God saying, “I think I should give that girl a shove in the right direction, because next week she is going to do something really stupid. Let’s help her out.”

I had glanced at the backup I had made at the time, but hadn’t really checked it out thoroughly and I think this was at the root of my panic-moment. The fact that I had a back-up didn’t jump out in front of me and say, “No worries! Got you covered!” When the reality of my error hit, I just froze. I should have known my back-up better because then, when my site went down, my error would have annoyed me, but that’s about all.

So many of the things I face, the things I have angst about are just perceived dangers. Something happens and all I can see is white and I have a horrible feeling something just went terribly wrong. Maybe it actually did, but is that it?

1. First of all I can breathe, knowing that nothing is wasted. God has promised me that even the most troubling circumstances can all be turned around and used for actual good (Romans 8:28).
2. God always has a strategy. I read this once (Ortberg, I think), that if one pictures life as a chess board, God always has a play, no matter how the pieces are arranged on the board. So, even though there are real worries in life, as 1 Corinthians 10 reminds me, there is always another move.
3. I am never alone in any situation. Sometimes we just need to step out of the room and talk to Jesus who is ready, willing and able to help us (Isaiah 41:10)

How many times has God watch me sweat it out before I remember my back-up? If I am putting myself through the wringer, it is a clear sign that I either do not trust that my back-up is real or that my back-up is trust-worthy. If either of these theories are true, that means I have not taken the time to thoroughly look at Who my back-up is and how He operates. Put plainly, I don’t know Jesus; I am not familiar enough with His Words for them to make any difference.

So my little story has a happy ending, but not all my stories do. Sometimes what I have invested in is “gone” and sometimes the thing that mattered is “over” and sometimes it has felt as if the pain of something will “never go away”; but PERMANENT AND IRREVERSIBLE? No. As in the case of my blog, we do not walk through life unscathed, but in Christ, nothing is completely lost. Our perception of things cries, “What good could ever come of this?” And our back-up, Jesus, shows us how mercy works and always has the final, final, final word.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43:2)

—Teresa Klassen (http://www.onebrownleaf.wordpress.com)

Afterword: take some time to read Psalm 116

Afterword: my original site is back, up and running. For full details, read this post on my site.

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